Kenza, 18 months pregnant

Kenza is one of those content creators who has always been part of the French digital landscape. At 36, this multi-hyphenate whose passions, rants, family life, friends, and professional evolution we’ve been following for over a decade, has taken on another role: that of a mother. A fulfilled mom for the past 3 years, she talks to us about her pregnancy and her new balance with enthusiasm and candor. Spoiler: yes, motherhood can ALSO go well :-)

From the desire for a child to pregnancy

I couldn't even tell you how long it took for my pregnancy to become a reality, because it all happened very fluidly, very instinctively. With Matthieu (her daughter's father, from whom she is now separated, ed.), we had been together for years, and we didn't calculate anything once we decided to go for it. It was a very natural, very cool period, no pressure, I really didn't have any trouble getting pregnant. I didn't run into any difficulties, I didn't count, I didn't calculate, and I know that's really not the case for everyone. I am lucky from that point of view, truly.

9 months

I spent part of my pregnancy in lockdown, so it was a unique time, but I had a very beautiful pregnancy; it felt so normal for me to be pregnant. I loved it! Beyond my growing belly, I felt exactly the same way I feel when I'm not pregnant. No aches, no nausea. So, aside from the apprehension of the change to come, which would turn my whole life upside down, it was way too cool. And it lasted… 9 whole months! I had to be induced because Azel was perfectly happy where she was [laughs…].

9 months

Physically, I recovered from the birth quite quickly. It went well; I didn't have any tearing or an episiotomy, no painful aftermath; I absolutely didn't suffer. I breastfed, and there were moments at the beginning that were sometimes uncomfortable, but honestly, it was very bearable. I was just tired, but like all new moms: the sleepless nights at the start are tough. I also lost a bit of hair, but all of that is very anecdotal. Two weeks later, I was already on set! Since we were just coming out of a very slow period due to Covid, and I was feeling good, my only desire was to get back into my projects full throttle. It's paradoxical because you welcome a baby into your life, into your home, you build everything to have a calm, stable environment, a cocoon, but I was bubbling with the desire to do a thousand things.

Looking back, I think a real, true balance takes a long time to settle in. At the beginning, I thought it had happened immediately, that everything was very fluid, but I realized later that it was much harder than I thought to get a handle on this new life. For my relationship, for my work, for everything.

I’ve always heard mothers around me say: “It’s all about organization”. It didn’t scare me at the time because I am a very organized person, but I hadn’t taken the “unexpected” variable into account. A child is constant improvisation, actually! You don’t manage life with a child the same way you manage your work or your schedule to see your friends at all. For someone like me who is a control freak, it was a real exercise. Ultimately, it wasn't easy to learn to let go when things didn't go as I had planned.

I would say the balance really arrived around the time Azel was 9 months old. She started taking her first steps, moving from the infant stage to that of a little girl. I felt more at ease with my new environment, status, and schedule. I really prefer it when children gain their independence, even if it requires more vigilance. Better understanding her emotions, seeing her assert herself, being able to play music with her in the car, and building a real bond: it was from those moments on that I found it all much simpler.

I’m telling you this, but as I’m speaking, I’m thinking back to when she was a baby; I found it extremely cute and touching, and honestly, I miss it, it goes by too fast [laughs…]!