Laura, 34, has been a mother for 2 years. She lives in Joinville-Le-Pont, in Val-de-Marne, with her husband and their little boy. She always wanted to experience the adventure of motherhood. With great impatience. Deep desire, anguish and crazy love: this is his story.
My desire to have children started very young: I was 22/23, 8 years before becoming a mother. It was very strong. I have always been ready, so I was impatiently awaiting my husband Aurélien's GO. From the moment the plan to start a family was shared - after three years of relationship, it took me 14 months to get pregnant (with a few breaks sometimes, notably so as not to find myself sick or due on the day of our marriage...).
I knew full well that “getting pregnant by blinking” was not the norm that society has always promoted, but I still started to worry after 6 months. According to the medical profession, you have to wait between 12 and 24 months to medically explore the couple's fertility. I find this deadline very unfair, and I absolutely did not respect it. I always wanted three children, why wait? I did not have the time. Having undergone a teenage abortion, I wanted to know if I had any after-effects, and if Aurélien, having never had a child, was having difficulty conceiving. And react quickly if necessary.
I went to present my arguments to a gynecologist, who was rather understanding. We carried out examinations which revealed nothing alarming regarding potential infertility or incompatibility. In the months that followed, I used ovulation tests, and I am convinced that I got pregnant thanks to them! I was lost, I miscalculated my cycles, they were irregular, so it was a huge help. In traditional medicine, no one talks about the fact that the consistency of cervical mucus can give clues about the periods of the cycle and in this case that of ovulation, that you have to listen to your body, potentially note what the we feel to better understand how we function, and thus put all the chances on our side in conscience [ hello, the Émancipées site , which is full of information on this subject Editor's note] . Today, I know how to do it, thanks to adapted reading and more alternative sexual and reproductive education.
9 MONTHS AND 3 DAYS
During my first weeks of pregnancy, I was very sick, experiencing daily nausea, partly because I was terrified of losing the embryo. I called on my gynecologist and had ultrasounds almost every month to reassure myself. I was 30 years old, I was not in the naivety of youth, speech was already being released a lot around miscarriage [ 15% of pregnancies end in the first weeks Editor's note ] and perinatal mourning. So I was very/too aware that this could actually happen to me. I was afraid of crying for this child. Because if we calculate, I hadn't really been waiting for 14 months, but almost 10 years! If something happened, I was also terrified of going back to the position I had a few months ago, the one where I could no longer stand being told I was pregnant, for example...
I stopped worrying around the 4th month, I felt much better physically and psychologically too. My belly got really rounded, everything was more concrete, and I lived my best life until I gave birth! Apart from some insomnia at the end, I was in Olympic shape. No back pain, no leg pain: great fun highway (laughs…), up to 9 months and 3 days !
Stan's arrival in my life was an upheaval. A tornado. I didn't just feel joy, but transcendence. I was just crying. I said to myself: “ It is not possible that it was me who made this being so perfect and it is not possible to feel all these feelings at once ”. I was completely overwhelmed and wondered when this state would end. I only thought of him, I only looked at him, I couldn't stop kissing him, and I cried, I cried, I cried. It was the destructive fire. I cried like that every day I would say for 8 weeks, since when I had my gynecological follow-up appointment for 6 weeks postpartum, I was still crying. It was all a mixture of wonder and exhaustion. I couldn't stand the lack of sleep at all, and I didn't have the mental or physical resources (among other things, it took me 3 months to recover from my episiotomy) to assimilate what I was experiencing. live.
Physically, I would say it took me a year to reconsider myself. To regain possession of my body, sleep better; to accept the idea of doing sports or just looking at myself. I didn't think about it before. I think I did myself a favor by leaving me alone. We have enough pressure from all sides to put it on this subject.
Psychologically, it took longer, because I had a very poorly supported return from maternity leave to work. If I had had more square and caring management, with tools dedicated to this particular recovery in the lives of women, I think that my complex condition would have lasted less long. I spent a good 18 months in the fog.
Maternity leave is TOO short. Giving birth, dreading motherhood, changing bodies once again, separating from your child, entrusting him to someone else, resuming your career where it was and pursuing it with motivation. So in 4 months? 6 months of complete leave would be much more comfortable for mothers and families, and again... I am a fervent campaigner for the extension of maternity leave [ see the petition supported by queen midwife Ana Roy Editor's note] . The system in place is far too violent.
Fortunately, the freedom to speak out about postpartum has been saving for me.
I was able to get better and feel less alone thanks to sisterhood, to podcasts like La Matrescence , like Work in Progress - which deals with well-being in professional life, to readings, such as Illana's book Weizman This is our Post-Partum , Fiona Schmidt's Instagram account @ bordeldemeres , and many others. Thank you to the women for TELLING us, and in their own way: to rebuild us.