Parysatis, 20 months pregnant

She is a socially conscious fashion designer and mother to little Izeh, born in the spring of 2021. Entrepreneur and content creator, Parysatis shares her experience with motherhood, her miscarriage, her relationship with post-pregnancy weight, and sheds light on her difficult breastfeeding journey. A modern mom who takes the guilt out of parenting.

2 months

I had a miscarriage. And I wasn’t expecting it. I kept telling myself, “I’m young, I’m in good health,” so it was a difficult first experience. I was lucky in my misfortune because I didn’t have to have a D&C or take medication. As a result, this experience must have released something because my mother told me about hers, and so did my grandmother. I realized that an enormous number of women have had at least one. And when we talk about pregnancy, we talk very little about that, and it’s a shame. By luck, I got pregnant again the following month, and I can tell you I was scared: I stopped exercising even though I knew that wasn’t at all the cause of my miscarriage; I was extremely careful about everything. For someone who is usually hyperactive and walks a lot, for the first time, I wanted to listen to my body 100%, even if it meant being carefree and a bit lazy. My baby became my priority. I had a very difficult first month and a half, lying down because of nausea, and all I did was sleep and eat cereal in bed because that was all I could keep down. I set aside my professional and personal life; I protected myself. Then, as soon as I knew everything was going well for my baby, I relaxed, I went back to working out, back to work, and fortunately, I had a pretty cool pregnancy.

7 months and three weeks

I’m at the clinic’s emergency room, it’s 5 PM, I call my guy and I tell him: I’m giving birth in two hours! I was at the beginning of my 36th week, we weren’t ready at all; we had just done the laundry for the baby’s clothes that very morning. In fact, the day before, during a check-up, my gynecologist told me that I didn’t have much amniotic fluid left. My mother, who is a nurse, told me to go to the emergency room immediately, and it’s a good thing I went because by the next day there was nothing left. I had two options: give birth within two hours or stay on bed rest until I could reach the 37-week mark (when the baby is no longer considered premature, ed.). I had a cesarean section—I knew that because my baby was breech—and I stayed in the maternity ward for 10 days because she wasn’t gaining weight. I wasn’t allowed painkillers because I’m allergic to some, and let’s just say I suffered… Old school!

10 months and…. Still in it!

My postpartum will be over when I get my body back. I never would have thought it would take so long to lose my pregnancy weight. I have always exercised. So, while I understand comments like “you have time to lose it, you just gave birth, give yourself time,” that’s not me; that’s not my benchmark. Everyone is free to do as they wish, as long as they feel good. You also have the right to want to get your pre-baby body back quickly; that’s OK. I’ve decided to get help from a nutritionist because I couldn’t do it on my own! For a month now, I’ve really felt an improvement, so here is some advice: don’t hesitate to get help from pros!

The other striking point, and arguably the most difficult: breastfeeding. I think it’s the worst experience of my entire pregnancy. I had to pump my milk for 2 months; it was horrible. I would set myself up with this big machine and cry for 30 minutes. Since I couldn’t get enough quantity from nursing, I became like a slave to that machine. I stopped because of that. Fortunately, my guy and I make a great team; he took care of us, as did my mom. I was surrounded, and I know that’s a real blessing. But I didn’t think breastfeeding would be so complicated.

Psychologically, there was also the guilt of having to go back to work because, as a freelancer, you don’t have maternity leave. No work, no money. I had to get back to it 2 weeks after giving birth because I delivered early and had projects to deliver. And being torn between your professional ambition and your role as a mother was hard to manage. Today everything is better; I’m working, she is with the nanny, and it’s going great. I think we need to stop putting pressure on ourselves; we do the best we can. There is no right or wrong way to handle all these challenges of motherhood, especially the ones you don’t expect!